And there’s a lot of confusion out there around what is gaslighting. Because gaslighting is different than just having a disagreement with somebody or someone just being a jerk. Gaslighting is a specific tactic. It’s a calculated move that people make to make the other person doubt their perception, doubt their memory, doubt their sanity, feel like they might be losing it. It’s a manipulation tactic to gain control in the relationship. And if you notice that somebody’s gaslighting, you can put an end to it and create the relationship that you actually do want.
Forms of gaslighting
- So the first obvious form of gaslighting is where the person denies that they’ve either said something or did something and you’ve got clear evidence to the contrary. And it makes you doubt your memory or your sanity.
- The second really common form of gaslighting is where your partner will twist your words around or twist the situation around and make you the one at fault. Well, let’s say that your partner did something or said something that hurt you and you wanna bring it up to them. And gaslighting is where they flip it around and they’re like, “God, I was just joking. Like you never have a sense of humor. You’re never any fun,” or, “You’re being so dramatic. Why can’t you just relax and calm down? This is why it’s never any fun to be around you.” And they make you feel like you’re wrong for having the emotion you’re having.
- And the third form of gaslighting is making you feel like you’re going crazy because the person questions your memory or your perception of reality. And this is where the term
Gaslighting actually originated. It was a old play in the UK that got adapted into a movie in the 1940s where the husband was slowly turning down the lights in the house. This is just part of the play and the wife was like, “I think it’s getting darker in here. A dimmer in here.” He’s like, “No, this is exactly the same lighting.”
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